What domestic and family violence survivors need most is a friend who will listen, believe them, and support them.

When it comes to breaking the cycle of domestic and family violence, small acts of support make a powerful difference.

Simply listening and believing a victim’s story, and offering practical help, could be the lifeline that helps someone break free, even saving their life.

Lilly McKeich is a National Domestic and Family Violence Specialist with the Salvation Army, which helps more than 10,000 people a year in situations of violence.

Lilly says that what victims need most, is to be heard.

“The most powerful thing you can do is definitely listen and believe someone,” she says. “[Because] situations of abuse are so often characterised by silencing and by isolation.”

It’s also vital to respect a victim’s choices, rather than ‘taking charge’.

“Don’t try to rescue someone [or] try to engage the [perpetrator],” says Lilly. “Respect that someone is an expert in their own situation…don’t interrogate them or tell them to leave or anything like that. You can support someone to access a service. Small acts like that can be a real game changer.”

Halting Disrespect Before it Becomes Violent

Working to bring change from another angle is Dave Kramer, ambassador for Small Steps for Hannah. Dave founded the HALT Program, which teaches high-school students about respectful relationships. He’s on a mission to stop disrespect in its tracks.

“Our prevention programs are about the context around violence,” Dave says.

“[We teach people that] we can actually show up as friends, family members, colleagues or even peers in school. [We can] show up at that point of disrespect, and prevent it from getting to the point of abuse.”

The Power of an Act of Kindness

Stacy Jane is a domestic abuse survivor. She fled her partner in the UK, and was brutally attacked when trying to retrieve personal belongings from her home.

She later established Escabags, an Australian charity that provides free escape bags for abuse victims.

“We know that the most lethal time is when a victim is trying to escape, because the perpetrator knows that they’ve lost all control,” Stacy explains. “[Escabags provides] that practical solution… so that they don’t have to go back into the family home.”

What finally helped Stacy to leave her partner, was the kindness of friends who were willing to listen and support.

“Those people would have been well within their right to say, ‘it’s none of our business’… however [they didn’t]. My story is about the power of a random act of kindness… and the ripple effect that that can then go on to have.”

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or distress, please call 1800 RESPECT, or Lifeline: 13 11 14.

Article supplied with thanks to Helping Hands TV.

About the Author: Helping Hands is an Australian produced TV program that airs on 9GEM, Channel 9 and 9NOW, and showcases people and organisations who make the world a better place.

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Why a 5-minute task can feel impossible

I recently had the privilege of attending a workshop on supporting parents of children with ADHD, run by the fantastic Dr Maddi Derrick MAPS. It brought together many concepts and ideas about supporting children and their families that I have been building knowledge on for a long time, and translated them into clear and practical language. Interestingly, I have found many of these ideas applying well beyond ADHD and parenting contexts.

The concepts of executive functioning having a “capacity” and tasks having both visible and invisible “demands” seem foundational, yet they are incredibly important as we consider our own limitations and the judgements we often make about ourselves and others. These ideas can help us proactively set ourselves—and those around us—up for success, while moving away from simply attributing difficulties to “a lack of effort or ability”.

Capacity

What do I mean by capacity? Let’s start with this idea, no matter how much we might want our concentration, emotion regulation and energy to be limitless, they are not. We are finite beings with finite resources. In this context, capacity refers to our self-regulatory ability to function in prompting motivation, maintaining concentration, problem solving, regulating our emotions, and other executive functioning roles. 

Importantly, capacity is not fixed. It fluctuates from day to day and even hour to hour. Poor sleep, illness, stress, grief, anxiety, sensory overload, parenting demands, relationship difficulties and major life transitions can all reduce the resources we have available.

This is often where people become frustrated with themselves. We compare today’s performance to a day when we had greater resources available and conclude that we are lazy, unmotivated or failing. In reality, we may simply be attempting to meet the same demands with significantly less available capacity.

Supporting Capacity

While we cannot create unlimited capacity, there are many ways we can support and protect the capacity we do have. Some examples include:

• Prioritising adequate sleep and rest.
• Taking regular breaks before reaching exhaustion.
• Building routines that reduce decision fatigue.
• Managing stress through movement, mindfulness or social connection.
• Using reminders, calendars, other people and systems to reduce the amount we need to hold in our minds.
• Recognising when our resources are running low and adjusting expectations accordingly.

Rather than asking, “Why can’t I do this?”, it can sometimes be more helpful to ask, “What is my capacity like right now?”

Task(s) Demand

The demands of a task are perhaps more obvious. They include all the requirements and components that draw upon our capacity. However, this also includes the thinking, emotional responses, associations and other internal processes that accompany a task.

For example, if I were asked to build a table, some of the demands would be reading the manual, gathering the tools and physically assembling the pieces. But there are also less visible demands: remembering where the tools are, estimating how long the task will take, tolerating frustration when something does not fit together and trying not to think about my less-than-stellar track record in woodwork at school!

The same principle applies to everyday tasks. Sending an email may involve deciding what to say, remembering previous conversations, worrying about how it will be received and overcoming the urge to continue your current, more interesting task. The visible task is often only part of the story. In reality, when we start to compare our capacity to the demands that we need to undertake, it is usually to a number, collection or lists of different tasks with different demands across a period of class; afternoon of work or whole day. 

Demand Awareness

A helpful skill we can develop is learning to identify the hidden demands attached to a task.

When people say, “I know it’s only a five-minute job, so why can’t I do it?”, there is often an assumption that the visible task is the entire task. Once we unpack it, we frequently discover multiple additional demands competing for the same limited resources.

For example, booking a medical appointment might involve:

• Stopping your favourite relaxing task
• Finding the phone number
• Calling during business hours
• Managing anxiety about making the call
• Remembering relevant information
• Rearranging work or family commitments

What appears simple from the outside may actually draw upon a range of executive functioning skills. [It makes more sense now why I put off seeing the Dentist!]

Developing awareness of these hidden demands can be surprisingly powerful. It helps explain why some tasks feel disproportionately difficult and can reduce our tendency to understand these as personal failings.

Reducing Demands

If capacity and demands interact, there are generally two ways to improve the likelihood of success: support capacity or reduce demands.

Reducing demands is not “taking the easy way out”-  It can be a more sustainable and effective form of moving towards our goals.

Some general examples of this could look like:

• Breaking large tasks into smaller, more manageable steps.
• Preparing materials ahead of time.
• Using visual reminders, checklists or templates.
• Completing challenging tasks during times of higher energy.
• Delegating or sharing parts of a task where possible.
• Reducing distractions in the environment. 
• Allowing “good enough” rather than striving for perfection.

It’s not just completing one task that can benefit from this type of thinking, but also maintaining capacity for other demands in the day.

Bringing it Together

Many of us have been taught to explain success or failure primarily by effort. Sometimes the solution is not to try harder. Sometimes it is making adjustments that better match the resources we have available.

Whether we are supporting a child, partner, colleague or ourselves, it can be helpful to ask two simple questions:

1. What is the current available capacity?
2. What are the visible and invisible demands of this task?

These questions often lead us away from judgement and towards understanding. More importantly, they help us identify practical changes that can make success more likely.

Article supplied with thanks to The Centre for Effective Living.

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Must we be endlessly available, universally liked, and perpetually busy?

We live in a culture that deeply romanticizes exhaustion. We are taught that to be a “good” person—a good partner, parent, friend, or colleague—we must be endlessly available, universally liked, and perpetually busy.

But there is a radical paradox at the heart of human well-being: the choices that feel the most selfish on the surface are often the most generous things we can do for the world. When we look closely at emotional health and sustainable living, we find that real resilience requires us to embrace a few beautiful, counter-intuitive truths.

Paradox #1. Boundary Drawing is Not Selfish, It is Loving

We often avoid setting boundaries because we fear looking cold or withholding, stretching ourselves thin to keep the peace. However, unsustainable enmeshment in relationships inevitably leads to resentment and eventual rupture. Whether it is navigating a relationship with a domineering parent, a friend who constantly takes without giving, or an entitled grown-up child, feeling that your emotions and thoughts are not respected is a recipe for burnout.

In order to remain genuinely connected to the people in your life, you have to make the dynamic sustainable for yourself. Boundary drawing isn’t a wall to shut people out; it is a clear map that defines where you end and they begin, preserving the relationship by preventing the slow burn of hidden frustration.

It is ultimately far more loving to offer an honest, compassionate “No” that protects the bond than a resentful, exhausted “Yes” that quietly erodes it. Clear boundaries eliminate guesswork, allowing you to show up with genuine presence rather than out of a sense of draining obligation. By protecting your own emotional capacity, you ensure that the time and care you do give are authentic, resilient, and built to last.

Paradox #2. Detaching From Others’ Reactions Empowers You to Care Deeper

It sounds noble to absorb everyone’s emotional weather and care deeply about their immediate opinion of you, but people-pleasing is an act of emotional survival rather than genuine connection. When your primary focus is managing how others perceive you or personalizing their unpredictable moods, your energy is entirely consumed by anxiety and internal performance.

Ironically, refusing to personalize others’ emotions frees you up to care for them with far more depth. When you stop treating people as judges to be impressed or problems to be fixed, you clear out the mental noise and can finally see them as human beings to be heard.

Furthermore, if your self-worth is not tied to their immediate emotional state, you can handle their heavy emotions, disappointments, or conflicts without collapsing, overreacting, or getting defensive. Detaching from their approval isn’t about becoming callous; it is about becoming a steady, anchored presence. You are able to love people for who they are in that moment, precisely because you aren’t waiting for them to validate you or fix your own anxiety.

Paradox #3. Resting is Not Lazy, It is the Ultimate Efficiency

We tend to view rest as a luxury or a reward for hard work, something we are only allowed to do once an impossible to-do list hits zero. However, the human brain and nervous system do not operate on a linear scale, and constant grinding quickly yields diminishing returns that lead to foggy thinking, critical mistakes, and emotional volatility. True rest is not a waste of time; it is incubation. Stepping away from the desk or taking a weekend to completely unplug is the very mechanism that sharpens your focus, sparks creativity, and prevents the catastrophic downtime of full burnout.

When you rest, your brain actively processes information, consolidates memory, and regulates stress hormones. True efficiency isn’t about how many consecutive hours you log; it’s about the quality of energy you bring to those hours. Ultimately, rest is not the absence of productivity, but the essential biological framework that makes sustainable productivity possible in the first place.

Paradox #4. Acknowledging Your Vulnerability Makes You Deeper and Safer

We often hide our struggles or assume that admitting we don’t have it all together makes us look weak, incompetent, or fragile. In reality, relentless perfectionism creates emotional distance and signals to others that flaws are unacceptable, while vulnerability creates genuine safety and connection.

When you drop the exhausting act of having everything figured out and honestly acknowledge your human limits, you break down walls and give the people around you permission to drop their heavy armor too. This shared authenticity transforms relationships from superficial performances into deep, resilient bonds, ultimately making you a much safer, more grounded, and trustworthy presence for your family, friends, or colleagues.

Paradox #5. Lowering Your Immediate Standards Often Raises Your Long-Term Impact

The cultural belief that you must give 110% to every single task, every single day, is a direct recipe for mediocrity and burnout. Giving maximum effort to everything means you are scattering your focus and giving nothing your true genius. Embracing “strategic under-achievement”—deliberately choosing to let low-stakes, non-essential balls drop, such as maintaining an immaculate house or instantly responding to every casual email—is not about failing, but about prioritizing.

By intentionally lowering your standards on things that matter less, you actively preserve the deep psychological and physical energy reserves required to hit a home run on the few high-stakes goals that truly define your long-term legacy and impact.

Conclusion: Let’s Fill the Cup First

Ultimately, every single one of these counter-intuitive shifts points to a singular, unyielding truth: you cannot give what you do not have. We have been conditioned to believe that self-sacrifice is the ultimate measure of love and efficiency, but trying to pour from an empty cup is a biological and emotional impossibility. When we refuse to rest, protect our boundaries, or detach from external validation, we aren’t actually giving more to the world—we are simply offering it the bitter, exhausted residue of our resentment and fatigue.

Looking after yourself first is not a luxury, nor is it a detour from your responsibilities; it is the absolute prerequisite for them. If your goal is to love deeply, care authentically, and make a meaningful, long-term impact on the people around you, then protecting your own mental and physical well-being is the most radical, effective, and loving act of service you can perform.

Article supplied with thanks to The Centre for Effective Living.

About the Author: Jennifer Chu is a psychologist who is passionate about therapy, experienced in a range of mental health issues including anxiety, depression, social adjustment issues, stress management, and cross-cultural issues and more.

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When the mind is pointed inward, on a loop, it can quietly become its own kind of prison.

It usually starts small. A text you read three times before replying. A decision you’ve been weighing for days, coffee or no coffee, take the job or stay, say something or let it go. Reflection is healthy. But somewhere along the way, reflection turns into rumination. And that’s where the trouble starts.

If you’ve ever lain awake at 2am replaying a conversation from three days ago, wondering whether you said the wrong thing, you’re not imagining the toll it takes. Research consistently shows that chronic overthinking is one of the strongest predictors of anxiety and depression. In fact, studies have found that people who ruminate frequently are nearly four times more likely to develop a depressive episode than those who don’t. The mind is powerful. But when it’s pointed inward, on a loop, it can quietly become its own kind of prison.

We all get caught in the loop

Personally, I’ve been there. As a psychologist, mum, and pastor, I know the cost of a mind that won’t stop running. There have been seasons where I’ve replayed a conversation a dozen times trying to figure out if I should have responded differently, or sat in the car after dropping the kids at school mentally rehearsing the day ahead like I was about to sit an exam. Even with all the training, even knowing better, I still get caught in the loop. So if this is you, please know: you’re not broken. Your brain is just doing what brains do when they’re under pressure. And there’s a way out.

The most common signs of overthinking

Indecision

Overthinkers often find it hard to make decisions, paralysed by the fear of making the wrong choice. You weigh the pros, then the cons, then the pros again, and before you know it, the moment has passed. Constant rumination can lead to missed opportunities and a quiet undercurrent of frustration that builds over time.

Anxiety

The endless worrying that comes with overthinking can snowball into chronic anxiety. When your mind is racing through every fear and concern, your body stays in a state of heightened tension, which makes it hard to relax, focus, or feel present.

Stress and physical symptoms

Overthinking doesn’t just live in your head. The mental strain often shows up in your body, headaches, fatigue, jaw tension, restless sleep. Research has found that high ruminators have elevated cortisol levels, the same stress hormone that floods your body during a fight-or-flight response. So if you constantly feel “on edge” without knowing why, your thoughts may be writing cheques your body is paying for.

Emotional exhaustion

Overthinking drains your emotional energy. The mental chatter makes it hard to connect with your feelings or enjoy the things that used to bring you joy. By the end of the day, you’re tired, but you haven’t actually done anything tiring.

Action avoidance

The habit of overanalysing often leads to a fear of taking action. You think, plan, and prepare, but never actually move. This avoidance leaves you feeling stuck, unfulfilled, and increasingly disconnected from the life you want to live.

So why do our brains do this?

Overthinking isn’t a flaw. It’s a habit your brain has learned because, in some way, it’s been trying to protect you. Maybe by analysing every possible outcome, you hoped to avoid pain. Maybe by replaying past conversations, you were trying to make sense of something that didn’t feel safe. The intention is protective. The result, unfortunately, is exhausting.

The good news? Habits can be unlearned. Neuroscience has shown again and again that the brain is remarkably plastic, meaning it can rewire itself with repeated practice. Every time you choose a different response to overthinking, you’re literally building a new neural pathway. Over time, the new pathway becomes stronger than the old one.

How to break the cycle

If you’re caught in the exhausting loop of overthinking, here are some practices, backed by both clinical evidence and lived experience, that genuinely help:

1. Name what’s happening

The moment you say to yourself, “I’m overthinking right now,” you create a tiny gap between you and the thought. That gap matters. Researchers call this “metacognition,” the ability to observe your thinking instead of being trapped inside it. It’s the single most powerful first step.

2. Set a worry window

Give yourself a specific amount of time, say, 15 minutes, to think about a particular problem. When the time is up, gently redirect yourself. This trains your brain that worry doesn’t get unlimited airtime. A study from Penn State found that people who used scheduled “worry time” had significantly lower anxiety levels within four weeks.

3. Challenge the thought

When you find yourself spiralling, ask: Is this actually true? What’s the evidence? Would I say this to someone I love? Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), one of the most researched forms of therapy in the world, is built on this single idea, and the evidence base for it is strong.

4. Move from problem to possibility

Overthinkers fixate on the problem. Try gently shifting the question from “Why is this happening?” to “What’s one small thing I can do today?” It’s a small reframe, but it gets you out of analysis paralysis and into momentum.

5. Reduce the noise

Too much information leads to overload. Be intentional about what you consume, the news, the scrolling, the group chats, the advice from well-meaning people. A 2022 study found that participants who reduced their social media use by just 30 minutes a day showed measurable improvements in anxiety and mood within a week.

6. Talk it out

Sharing your thoughts with someone safe, a friend, a partner, or a therapist, interrupts the loop. Saying things out loud externalises them. You stop being trapped inside them. As I often tell my clients: what stays in our heads grows. What comes out into the light loses its grip.

7. Move your body

Exercise isn’t just good for your physical health. It’s one of the most evidence-based interventions for anxiety and rumination. A 30-minute walk has been shown to reduce cortisol, boost serotonin, and quieten the default mode network, the part of your brain that runs the “worry loop.” You don’t need to train for a marathon. A walk around the block counts.

8. Make peace with imperfection

Most overthinking is fuelled by the fear of getting it wrong. But the truth is, almost no decision is final, and almost every mistake is a teacher. Allow yourself to be a learner. Some of the bravest growth happens when we let go of needing to know everything before we move.

9. Prioritise soul care

I prefer “soul care” to “self-care” because it goes deeper than bubble baths and face masks. It’s the practice of tending to your whole self, your mind, body, and spirit. Rest. Pray. Move. Eat well. Get sunlight. Sit in silence. Be in community. These aren’t extras. They’re foundations.

A gentle reminder

You don’t need to silence your mind to live a peaceful life. You just need to learn to lead it rather than be led by it. Over time, with practice, grace, and a few of these tools, you’ll find the loop loosens its grip. The decisions become easier. The 2am replays grow rarer. And the mental space that used to be filled with “what if” slowly starts filling with “what now.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sabrina Peters.

About the Author: Sabrina is a pastor and a psychologist who is dedicated to helping people experience wholeness and growth. Passionate about building healthy families, she spends her days raising kids, supporting clients, and creating resources that inspire freedom and hope.

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The healing power of music

Doctor of Psychology and Mindset Coach, Dr. Marny Lishman shares about music and its ability to heal a broken heart.

Self-Care Talk

Dr. Marny’s work involves her walking her clients through stress management or dealing with a challenging issue they are going through.

“Self-talk is an important part of that,” she said.

She also helps clients through stress management, by suggesting a combination of exercise, time in nature and listening to music.

“I think we all know what it feels like when we’re either angry or frustrated or had a really bad day and we get in the car and we turn on the radio, put the volume up and really have a good time, belting out great music.”

Relaxation

“A lot of research actually shows that music does have healing qualities about it. Whether people are going through something tough or even if it’s related to pain, a physical pain relief. They say listening to music actually soothes us and calms us.”

Not only does music release stress and stir up emotion when we are singing aloud, but it reaffirms how we feel, because many song lyrics are written from a place of vulnerability.

“Let’s face it, a lot of the most beautiful songs that have ever been written usually come from a place of loneliness and heartbreak. I think when we’re listening to the lyrics it validates how we’re feeling and it actually, it shows us that we’re not the only one that goes through something like that.”

Mirroring

Dr. Marny says there’s beauty in the idea that a songwriter we’ve never met is able to mirror an experience that we’re going through in the present.

“That kind of feeling of support and validation and empathy is actually really calming for us.”

Declaration of Lyrics

Singing or speaking lyrics aloud can have cathartic results.

“It’s almost like the hero’s journey of any story that we’ve read growing up is that people are going to rise past this and get through it, and there’s healing after hope. Pelting out those tunes is us saying, ‘I’ll get through this. I’m stronger than I think I am,’ which is something that we need, to get out of that pit of despair.”

Nostalgia & Heartbreak

Dr. Marny said she often feels nostalgic listening to artists from her youth, recalling many 1980’s artists who found success with breakup songs inspired by heartbreak within the band.

“There were a lot of love songs but there were some hate songs thrown in there as well on their journey with the band.”

The Music of Our Past

Nostalgia covers a myriad of senses.

“It could be a smell, or a kind of a sight, photographs, but a lot of it is about, you know, what you’re listening to.”

Dr. Marny said she encourages her older clients to get out the old albums, CDs and cassette tapes, and to listen to the music from their formative years.

“Music from young adulthood and teenage years will tend to evoke emotions that in the present moment that you felt back then,” she said.

“I say to people all the time, listen to the music you loved from the past and listen to it now, remember who you were then and bring back those parts of yourself that are going to be helpful for you.”

One Artist, One Concrete Message

It is possible to be driven by one artist’s narrative, according to Dr. Marny.

“We probably need to ask lots of Swifties out there, don’t we? She’s someone who documents all the heartbreaks that she’s gone through and writes lyrics from that experience. She just pens it, she writes these poems and they become beautiful songs.”

The frequency in which we listen to artists can give us a more concentrated experience. Dr. Marny argued that this adds to catharsis and helps us process.

“Sometimes there is a confirmation bias. You end up listening to the same stuff. Because there’s so many other artists out there or songs that you’re probably not listening to who might be really helpful for you. So I think some variety is so good,” she added.

“We never know what we’re going to get when we turn the radio on because might hear something that resonates and challenges the way we think.”

Listen More

She encouraged us to listen to more of the music that helps us work through our experience.

“Turn off your other devices and just spend more time in the present moment with yourself. Create that spare time to listen, because it’s so good for your brain, and for processing those emotions.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

What does it look like and is it necessarily a bad thing?

I (Bec) was catching up with a friend I hadn’t seen in ages, plenty of texting, but no proper girl catch-up for far too long. We finally managed to align trains and used the commute home to actually talk. And almost immediately, something became obvious: we were both just… hanging in there at work.

As we compared notes on our frustrations, we realised we were tired of always being the ones who picked up the extra work, stayed the extra hours, cared about the timelines, the outcomes, the details. Somewhere along the way, without even noticing, we’d both started pulling back. Not slacking off- just quietly stepping away from the “above and beyond” that had become expected rather than appreciated.

It wasn’t lost on us that our extra effort rarely led to recognition or reward. Meanwhile, others doing far less were being paid more or praised more. So why were we still pushing so hard?

At first, I assumed it was burnout, that familiar desire to do less because you’re running on fumes. But then the term quiet quitting started popping up in my LinkedIn feed and social media ads (proof the devices really are always listening). For once, I was grateful for the algorithm. A quick search turned up article after article describing exactly what we were feeling.

Quiet Quitting

Quiet quitting isn’t about quitting at all. It’s about doing what’s required, and not automatically doing more. It’s setting boundaries for self-preservation. It’s recognising that you don’t have to be everything to everyone, all the time.

I felt relieved. I wasn’t alone. It wasn’t a “me problem.” It was a much wider shift, and one that deserves the attention of business leaders.

Workloads haven’t just increased, they’ve crept up quietly, almost invisibly. Entire project teams have disappeared, but the projects themselves haven’t. They’ve simply been absorbed into what’s now considered the “normal” workload… the same workload that was already overflowing. Companies are downsizing, restructuring, or leaning on offshore teams and half-baked tech solutions. The work still needs doing, but the support, context, or capability isn’t always there. And the expectations? Still sky high.

So who fills the gaps? Usually the people who care the most.

Yes, I’ll take on that extra project. Yes, I’ll do the presentation. Yes, I’ll grab the groceries on the way home. Yes, I’ll help with the fundraiser. The list goes on. We say yes because we don’t want to let the team down, because we want to be seen as capable, because we want to learn quickly and be self-sufficient.

But is that always the best approach?

By saying yes to everything, am I blocking someone else from learning? Am I creating an expectation that I’ll always be the one to step in? Am I making myself the default solution simply because I’ve always been willing?

When you’re constantly asked to do more with less, your willingness to go above and beyond naturally fades. Not because you’re uncommitted, but because you’re exhausted. And that’s where quiet quitting becomes a boundary. A gentle but firm declaration: I’ll show up. I’ll do my job well. But I won’t sacrifice my wellbeing to compensate for structural issues I didn’t create.

It’s not laziness. It’s not disengagement. It’s a recalibration, a recognition that loyalty is a two-way street, and that constantly over-delivering in an under-resourced environment isn’t sustainable for anyone.

Quiet quitting is the moment you choose yourself, your energy, your time, your sanity. And honestly, that’s not quitting. That’s self‑preservation. That’s clarity. That’s quietly, but firmly, drawing the line.

Is it as simple as saying, That’s it, I’m done, I’m choosing me? Not in my experience. Some days I stand strong and don’t automatically say yes. Other days, choosing myself leaves me wrecked with guilt and self‑doubt. And then there are the days where I feel completely at peace with my decision.

What I have found, though, is that the more I practice, whether it’s biting my tongue, saying no, or sitting on an email or text before responding, the easier it becomes to shift the dial and stop slipping back into old habits.

I (Caro) have loved reading what Bec has written. I have to admit I’ve been quietly “quiet quitting” for years now, I just hadn’t called it that. I used to be a great gap filler.

Followers of Jesus are told to: “Look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of the others.” [Philippians 2:4].

For me, sometimes it’s in my best interests to say “no”. And sometimes it’s in the best interests of others that I say “no”. A thoughtful “no” is better than an automatic “yes” when it comes to gap-filling. And that still allows room for a thoughtful “yes” if I am able to go the extra mile.

I don’t get it right all the time. But what helps me to think more clearly is knowing that God has my best interests at heart. He will look after me. I matter to him. And that really helps to take the heat out of gap-filling for validation. Which let’s face it, that’s what a lot of gap filling was actually about for me.

Reflections

1. Have you ever felt that going above and beyond became the expectation rather than the exception? How did that impact your motivation?
2. Have you ever found yourself quietly pulling back at work without realising it? What triggered it for you?
3. How often do you say “yes” to extra tasks out of habit, guilt, or expectation rather than genuine capacity?
4. Do you think quiet quitting is a healthy response, a warning sign, or something else entirely?
5. If you stopped automatically saying yes to everything, what might open up for you and for others?

Article provided with thanks to City Bible Forum.

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How to recognise when someone is struggling with mental health challenges and respond with practical, compassionate support.

While it’s easy to look back and think ‘we should have noticed something sooner’, the more helpful question is: what can we do now?

That’s where conversations like this matter.

Clinical psychologist Valerie Ling outlines some practical ways to recognise when someone might be struggling and what meaningful support can actually look like in everyday life.

Recent events in with athletes in professional sport, including the AFL, have highlighted how widespread and complex these issues can be.

As ABC News has previously reported, mental health concerns are affecting Australians across all demographics, reinforcing the importance of early support and open conversations.

Listening matters more than fixing

In a culture that often prioritises solutions, it can feel uncomfortable to simply sit with someone’s pain. But support doesn’t always mean solving the problem.

Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can offer is your presence.

Letting someone speak, acknowledging their feelings and reminding them they matter can go a long way. As Valerie Ling puts it, it’s about communicating: “You are important to me. What you’re experiencing is important”.

That sense of being seen and heard can be a powerful first step towards healing.

When to encourage extra support

There may come a point where a conversation on its own isn’t enough.

If someone seems overwhelmed, stuck, or at risk, gently encouraging professional support is an important next step. This might include speaking with a GP, a counsellor, or reaching out to a trusted support service.

Ms Ling recommends approaching this collaboratively. Rather than telling someone what to do, it’s better to invite them into the process.

“Would it help if we looked into some options together?” is a simple way to offer support without pressure.

You might sit with them while they make a call, help them find information online, or even accompany them to an appointment if they’re comfortable with that.

Acting when it matters most

In more serious situations, where you’re concerned about someone’s immediate safety, it’s important not to step back too quickly.

“If you walk away… you’re not really sure if they will be safe,” Ms Ling said.

This could mean staying with them, contacting a trusted family member, or seeking urgent professional help. While these moments can feel confronting, they are also where support matters most.

A culture of care starts with us

Supporting someone through mental health challenges doesn’t require perfect words or professional training. It starts with noticing, asking, listening and being willing to stay present.

For a community that values hope, connection and practical care, these small actions can make a significant difference.

And while we can’t control everything someone is going through, we can make sure they don’t have to face it alone.

If you or someone you know is struggling, reach out to a friend or Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14 for support.

This article was prepared with AI assistance and then carefully reviewed, fact-checked, and edited by our Digital Team.

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

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Common thought traps and how to challenge them

We all experience unhelpful thinking patterns from time to time, and if we’re not aware of them, they can cloud our judgment, lead to anxiety, and strain our relationships.

The good news is that by recognising these cognitive distortions, we can start challenging and changing them for a more balanced, fulfilling life.

Let’s explore some common unhelpful thinking styles and simple ways to reframe them based on evidence from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

1. Catastrophising

Catastrophising is when we expect the worst possible outcome, even if it’s unlikely. This type of thinking can escalate anxiety and prevent us from thinking clearly.
Example: If you make a mistake at work, you might think, “I’m going to get fired, and my career is over.”
What to Do: Ask yourself, “What’s the actual likelihood of this happening?” By evaluating the evidence, you can put things into perspective and realise that the worst-case scenario is rarely true.

2. All-or-Nothing Thinking

Also known as black-and-white thinking, this distortion means viewing situations in extremes, either everything is perfect, or it’s a disaster.
Example: If you don’t get everything done on your to-do list, you think, “I failed at everything today.”
What to Do: Recognise that most situations are not all good or all bad. Look for the grey areas and acknowledge small successes, even if things didn’t go perfectly.

3. Overgeneralisation

Overgeneralising means taking a single negative event and applying it to all future situations. This type of thinking can cause unnecessary pessimism.
Example: After one bad date, you think, “I’m never going to find a good relationship.”
What to Do: Ask yourself if this is a pattern or just a one-time occurrence. One bad experience doesn’t mean all future ones will be the same.

4. Mind Reading

Mind reading happens when we assume we know what someone else is thinking, usually in a negative way, without any real evidence.
Example: “They didn’t text me back, so they must be mad at me.”
What to Do: Check the facts. Instead of assuming, communicate and ask for clarification. Often, there’s a simple explanation.

5. Personalisation

Personalisation is when we take on too much responsibility for events or assume that things happening around us are a direct reflection of ourselves.
Example: If your colleague is in a bad mood, you think, “It’s because of something I did.”
What to Do: Remember that people’s behaviour often has nothing to do with you. Ask yourself, “What other factors could be at play here?”

6. Discounting the Positive

This happens when we downplay our successes or positive feedback, focusing only on the negatives.
Example: You receive compliments on a project, but dismiss them, thinking, “They’re just being polite.”
What to Do: Practice acknowledging your achievements. When positive things happen, let yourself feel good about them, no matter how small.

7. Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is when we assume that our emotions reflect reality. If we feel anxious, we believe that something must be wrong, even if there’s no real danger.
Example:“I feel so scared, so this situation must be dangerous.”
What to Do: Remind yourself that emotions aren’t facts. Just because you feel something doesn’t mean it’s true. Try to separate your emotional response from the actual situation.

8. Should Statements

“Should” statements involve setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves or others, leading to feelings of failure or frustration.
Example:“I should always be on top of everything.”
What to Do: Replace “should” with more flexible language, such as “I would like to,” or “It’s okay if I don’t get everything done today.” This allows for self-compassion and a more realistic approach.

9. Magnification and Minimisation

Magnification is when we blow problems out of proportion, while minimisation downplays positives or successes.
Example: You make a small mistake and think, “This is the worst thing ever!” but when you do something well, you think, “It’s not a big deal.”
What to Do: Look at the situation objectively. Ask yourself, “Am I seeing this for what it really is, or am I exaggerating or minimising?” Practising balanced thinking helps create a more accurate picture.

How Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) Helps

CBT is a proven, evidence-based approach that teaches us to recognise and challenge these unhelpful thinking styles. It works by helping us identify distorted thoughts, question their validity, and replace them with more balanced, realistic thinking. This approach has been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress by helping us see situations more clearly and respond in healthier ways.

A Quick Tip for Change

Next time you notice one of these unhelpful thinking patterns, pause and ask yourself, “Is there another way to view this situation?” By exploring alternative perspectives, you can break free from automatic negative thoughts and create space for more balanced, realistic thinking.

With practice, you can reshape how you think, leading to improved mental health, better relationships, and a greater sense of well-being.

Article supplied with thanks to Sabrina Peters.

About the Author: Sabrina is a pastor and a psychologist who is dedicated to helping people experience wholeness and growth. Passionate about building healthy families, she spends her days raising kids, supporting clients, and creating resources that inspire freedom and hope.

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Getting outside is better for us than we realise. Research proves it.

Fresh air is good for you, simply ask anyone who enjoys being outdoors and they will tell you that.

They could be biased, simply because they enjoy being outdoors. However, the evidence is in. Research tells us that “time in nature, sunshine and outdoor exercise provide big health benefits”.

Fresh air offers four key benefits:

Healthier lungs: Breathing deeply increases oxygen in your blood, which increases serotonin, the “happy chemical”. 

Sunlight: When you get outside in sunlight and fresh air, you’re doing a world of good for you body when it comes to Vitamin D production. The health benefits of Vitamin D include: increased bone density, reduced risk of multiple sclerosis and increased cognitive health.

Exercise: It’s easier to get into movement mode outside—it could be playing a game, riding a bike, running or just walking. Exercise, particularly aerobic exercise, can improve both your physical and mental health. “Aerobic exercise has been proven to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression” as well as benefit heart, lung and musculoskeletal health.

Reduced stress: Levels of happiness rise when you exercise in nature. Stanford University took two groups: one walked in nature, the other in an urban area. The nature walkers “expressed lower stress levels and negative thoughts, along with higher levels of positive emotions compared to the others”. That’s a bonus.

Nurtured by Nature?

Kirsten Weir, writing for the American Psychological Association, says we can be nurtured by nature. “From a stroll through a city park to a day spent hiking in the wilderness, exposure to nature has been linked to a host of benefits, including improved attention, lower stress, better mood, reduced risk of psychiatric disorders and even upticks in empathy and cooperation. 

“Most research so far has focused on green spaces such as parks and forests, and researchers are now also beginning to study the benefits of blue spaces, places with river and ocean views. But nature comes in all shapes and sizes, and psychological research is still fine-tuning our understanding of the potential benefits. In the process, scientists are charting a course for policymakers and the public to better tap into the healing powers of Mother Nature.”

Weir cites Canadian psychologist Lisa Nisbet, who says, “There is mounting evidence, from dozens and dozens of researchers, that nature has benefits for both physical and psychological human wellbeing . . . You can boost your mood just by walking in nature, even in urban nature. And the sense of connection you have with the natural world seems to contribute to happiness even when you’re not physically immersed in nature.”

Florence Nightingale’s Discovery

Health consultant Lindsey Grossman adds that, “the family that gets outside together, improves their health together. . . . Fresh air not only cleans your lungs, it can also boost your mood, lower your heart rate, increase energy levels and even improve your digestion. . . . Florence Nightingale knew the benefits of fresh air long before any scientific study.”

Nightingale said, “It is the unqualified result of all my experience with the sick, that second only to the need of fresh air is their need of light.”

Grossman adds that, “No matter where you go, it’s gratifying just to know that the second you step out the door, you can reap fresh air’s rewards. Spending 30 minutes with the sun on your back porch will earn you a full dose on Vitamin D.”

The Outdoor Advantage

The best place to find fresh air is outdoors. Professor Darren Morton tells us that the “great outdoors can do us good emotionally and there is strong evidence for this. Hospital patients who merely have a view of a natural landscape tend to consume less pain-killing medication and have shorter hospital stays.

“Natural environments can lift us emotionally in rich and profound ways. Surely you have already experienced it for yourself. The view from a mountain peak. Gazing over the vast ocean as the sun sets. The sound of running water from a mountain stream. The crisp smell of an Alpine forest in the early morning field laden with wildflowers in spring.

“Our Limbo (his nickname for the limbic system) comes alive in these natural places because of the way it is wired to our senses of sight, sound and smell.” More than 30 studies have “examined the influence of exposure to natural environments on how people feel, and the consensus is that they do indeed make people feel more positive and less negative”.

A New Zealand study showed that every one per cent increase in the amount of green space within three kilometres of an individual’s home was associated with a four per cent lower prevalence of anxiety and mood disorder.

Keeping it Simple

 Weir notes that:

• Spending time in nature is linked to both cognitive benefits and improvements in mood, mental health and emotional wellbeing.
• Feeling connected to nature can produce similar benefits to wellbeing regardless of how much time one spends outside.
• Both green and blue (aquatic) spaces produce wellbeing benefits. More remote and biodiverse spaces may be particularly helpful, though even urban parks and trees can lead to positive outcomes.

Even the sounds of nature may be curative, she adds. “One study found that participants who listened to nature sounds like crickets chirping and waves crashing performed better on demanding cognitive tests than those who listened to urban sounds like traffic and the clatter of a busy cafe.”

Health writer Emily Swaim adds that there are plenty of “intrusive stimuli” competing for our attention, including flashing screens, vibrating phones, rumbling roads and more that all cause overstimulation and raise stress levels. “The natural world, on the other hand, can offer a mental and emotional refuge when you need to unwind and recharge. In nature, soothing attractions for your senses, from the perfume of flowers to the music of bird song, can hold your attention without draining mental energy.”

It’s Personal

Let’s call him Steve, because his real name isn’t revealed but he was, at the time, a 23-year-old “navigating the challenges of his first real job”.

He tells of how he spent 40 hours a week at his computer for his work and then going home to relax with some scrolling and gaming. He loved to ski, play football and golf and go camping—but didn’t do enough of it.

Then his mum gave him a challenge: for one month, spend 20 minutes a day, rain or shine, outside, moving his body. He took up the challenge. 

He says that, to be honest, he didn’t expect it would have much impact. But, his competitive nature kicked in and he reasoned that it was only 20 minutes.

The first day was a cold, grey evening. He had just finished a long day at work and just wanted to chill, but he did his 20 minutes anyway. He was surprised that after a few minutes, he didn’t think about his Xbox and the cool breeze felt good on his face. For three weeks he kept going with a couple of misses when he arrived home late. Mostly though, he hit his goal of 140 minutes per week.

“There’s research that shows that regular exposure to nature leads to better sleep patterns and it improves cognitive performance. I was seeing that happen in real time. I was going to bed and waking up two or three hours earlier. I felt sharper.” Yes he had some lapses, but he got back on schedule.

“After four months of tracking my outdoor time . . . it’s pretty clear: whether it was spending time in my backyard, skiing, going on hikes and walks or playing golf with my friends, getting outside makes me feel better in every possible way.”

Bruce Manners is an author, retired pastor and former editor of the Australia/New Zealand edition of Signs of the Times. He is based in Lilydale, Victoria.

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Remaining grounded when our first instinct is to panic!

Whether you’re facing everyday stress or devastating tragedy, when life feels like it is spinning out of control learning to cope begins with grounding ourselves physically, naming our feelings, and having the courage to simply be. 

Psychologist Collett Smart, chaplain and author Raewyn Elsegood, and i4Give co-founder Danny Abdallah explores how to navigate moments of chaos.

Physical, Psychological, Social Wellbeing 

Collett Smart explains that when things feel out of control, our brains can’t function properly if our bodies are in chaos. The first step is always physical grounding – literally putting both feet on the floor and taking deep breaths focusing on the exhale. Drinking water helps too. These simple acts signal to your body that you’re safe, allowing your brain to engage. 

“What happens is that gets your body to start to realise that you’re actually safe and you’re okay. And then your brain can kick in,” Collett explains. 

“When you rehearse breathing techniques while stuck in traffic or missing the bus, you build healthy defaults that activate automatically when life truly spins out of control.” 

Perspective and Presence in the Chaos 

Raewyn Elsegood walks directly into chaos as a disaster recovery chaplain. Her role is to be the calmest person in the room, bringing the level of panic down through confident presence and a smile. But she’s learned that “spinning out of control” is deeply subjective – what feels catastrophic to one person might seem manageable to another, and both experiences are valid. 

When Raewyn’s daughter was diagnosed with severe aplastic anaemia four years ago, she initially coped by staying in chaplain mode – the voice in her head offering pastoral care sustained her through the first year after her daughter’s death. But in the second year, she had to surrender that professional identity and become mother Raewyn, allowing herself to grieve without control. 

“The strategy I use to get out of bed is, it’s a new day, I put my feet into the carpet and I curl my toes and I feel and allow every sense to come alive in my body, and it tells me that I’ve still got life to live,” Raewyn says. “I’ve still got two more children to care for, a husband to love, and people to serve.” 

Two Types of Courage 

Danny Abdallah speaks from the most unimaginable loss – three of his children killed by a drunk driver. Through that tragedy, he discovered something crucial about courage. The first type is when you put on armour and fight.  

“The second type is when things are spinning out of control and you know whatever you do, it’s going to make it worse and you’ve got to just surrender and offer it up to a higher being or God, and just sit in it and wait,” Danny says. 

Danny says that we grieve alone but heal together. “Everyone processes [things] differently, and that’s okay.” 

When tragedy strikes, the human spirit rises, and people open up and help in ways they don’t during ordinary times. 

What sustained his family was community – fruit platters appearing at their door, people quietly dropping things off, neighbours who didn’t leave their side. Danny sees God in these moments of service, noting that modern people can’t see the divine because they don’t look low enough. 

Whether the chaos is missing a bus or losing a child, the coping principles remain the same: ground yourself physically, name your feelings without judgement, reach out rather than isolate, and remember that your journey will look different from everyone else’s.  

Collett says that sometimes the best thing we can do when things spin out of control is to take one tiny step forward. And then another. 

If you or someone you know needs support, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14. 

Article supplied with thanks to Helping Hands TV.

About the Author: Helping Hands is an Australian produced TV program that airs on 9GEM, Channel 9 and 9NOW, and showcases people and organisations who make the world a better place.

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