What healthy friendships really look like at every stage of life

“Healthy friendships are all about mutuality,” says psychologist, Collett Smart. “It’s about being on that even field where one isn’t more important than the other.”

Collett discussed healthy friendships with Nathan Brewer, a youth worker; and Ian Barnett, the founder of the National Grandparent Movement.

Across the stages and ages of life, our life choices and circumstances will influence the friendships we look for. Some friendships we make are deep and long-lasting, others are only for a season. But no matter our circumstances, the signs of a healthy friendship are the same.

What does a healthy friendship look like?

When asked what a healthy friendship looks like, Collett described her best friend, and says the strength of their friendship, and any healthy friendship, is there is no judgement.

“When I’m with Lorraine … whatever I tell her, she’s not going to judge me in my freak-out moments, or my darkest moments. She’s there to listen, she’s really open. She doesn’t judge me if I don’t text her fast enough. We pick up where we left off.”

Collett also refers to the work of psychologist, Professor Prinstein, who uses the analogy of a ladder for unhealthy friendships, and the playing field for healthy friendships.

There can only be one person at the top of a friendship ladder, and clinging on no matter what it takes is not healthy for anyone; not for the person on top, or the people striving to be at the top.  But on a friendship playing field, everyone enjoys mutual respect and an even footing.

Teenagers are particularly susceptible to unhealthy friendships, says Nathan.  When a power balance is at play, he says, young people find themselves on the unhealthy friendship ladder instead of the healthy playing field.

“A healthy friendship is quite inclusive and wants more people to join that circle, where an unhealthy friendship is often, ‘it’s just you and me’, at the expense of your other friends … Things that the child or teenager used to love, they kind of grow cold against because of the friendship.”

As we age, says Ian, our friendships will inevitably endure disagreements and differences of opinion, but in a healthy friendship, these struggles are always broached with mutual respect. A lifetime of experience and maturity bring the benefit of wisdom to these situations.

“There are certain relationships you have to maintain, but as you get older, there are certain things that you realise, ‘That is not helpful for me’ … It’s OK to say yes, and it’s OK to say no. We need to work out how to build confidence in not worrying about what ‘they’ will think.”

Knowing our boundaries, and learning how to respectfully communicate them, are essential pieces of the puzzle for healthy friendships. Good friends will respect those boundaries because they want the best for us, no matter how our friendships shift and change.

Article supplied with thanks to Helping Hands TV.

About the Author: Helping Hands is an Australian produced TV program that airs on 9GEM, Channel 9 and 9NOW, and showcases people and organisations who make the world a better place.

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What does it look like and is it necessarily a bad thing?

I (Bec) was catching up with a friend I hadn’t seen in ages, plenty of texting, but no proper girl catch-up for far too long. We finally managed to align trains and used the commute home to actually talk. And almost immediately, something became obvious: we were both just… hanging in there at work.

As we compared notes on our frustrations, we realised we were tired of always being the ones who picked up the extra work, stayed the extra hours, cared about the timelines, the outcomes, the details. Somewhere along the way, without even noticing, we’d both started pulling back. Not slacking off- just quietly stepping away from the “above and beyond” that had become expected rather than appreciated.

It wasn’t lost on us that our extra effort rarely led to recognition or reward. Meanwhile, others doing far less were being paid more or praised more. So why were we still pushing so hard?

At first, I assumed it was burnout, that familiar desire to do less because you’re running on fumes. But then the term quiet quitting started popping up in my LinkedIn feed and social media ads (proof the devices really are always listening). For once, I was grateful for the algorithm. A quick search turned up article after article describing exactly what we were feeling.

Quiet Quitting

Quiet quitting isn’t about quitting at all. It’s about doing what’s required, and not automatically doing more. It’s setting boundaries for self-preservation. It’s recognising that you don’t have to be everything to everyone, all the time.

I felt relieved. I wasn’t alone. It wasn’t a “me problem.” It was a much wider shift, and one that deserves the attention of business leaders.

Workloads haven’t just increased, they’ve crept up quietly, almost invisibly. Entire project teams have disappeared, but the projects themselves haven’t. They’ve simply been absorbed into what’s now considered the “normal” workload… the same workload that was already overflowing. Companies are downsizing, restructuring, or leaning on offshore teams and half-baked tech solutions. The work still needs doing, but the support, context, or capability isn’t always there. And the expectations? Still sky high.

So who fills the gaps? Usually the people who care the most.

Yes, I’ll take on that extra project. Yes, I’ll do the presentation. Yes, I’ll grab the groceries on the way home. Yes, I’ll help with the fundraiser. The list goes on. We say yes because we don’t want to let the team down, because we want to be seen as capable, because we want to learn quickly and be self-sufficient.

But is that always the best approach?

By saying yes to everything, am I blocking someone else from learning? Am I creating an expectation that I’ll always be the one to step in? Am I making myself the default solution simply because I’ve always been willing?

When you’re constantly asked to do more with less, your willingness to go above and beyond naturally fades. Not because you’re uncommitted, but because you’re exhausted. And that’s where quiet quitting becomes a boundary. A gentle but firm declaration: I’ll show up. I’ll do my job well. But I won’t sacrifice my wellbeing to compensate for structural issues I didn’t create.

It’s not laziness. It’s not disengagement. It’s a recalibration, a recognition that loyalty is a two-way street, and that constantly over-delivering in an under-resourced environment isn’t sustainable for anyone.

Quiet quitting is the moment you choose yourself, your energy, your time, your sanity. And honestly, that’s not quitting. That’s self‑preservation. That’s clarity. That’s quietly, but firmly, drawing the line.

Is it as simple as saying, That’s it, I’m done, I’m choosing me? Not in my experience. Some days I stand strong and don’t automatically say yes. Other days, choosing myself leaves me wrecked with guilt and self‑doubt. And then there are the days where I feel completely at peace with my decision.

What I have found, though, is that the more I practice, whether it’s biting my tongue, saying no, or sitting on an email or text before responding, the easier it becomes to shift the dial and stop slipping back into old habits.

I (Caro) have loved reading what Bec has written. I have to admit I’ve been quietly “quiet quitting” for years now, I just hadn’t called it that. I used to be a great gap filler.

Followers of Jesus are told to: “Look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of the others.” [Philippians 2:4].

For me, sometimes it’s in my best interests to say “no”. And sometimes it’s in the best interests of others that I say “no”. A thoughtful “no” is better than an automatic “yes” when it comes to gap-filling. And that still allows room for a thoughtful “yes” if I am able to go the extra mile.

I don’t get it right all the time. But what helps me to think more clearly is knowing that God has my best interests at heart. He will look after me. I matter to him. And that really helps to take the heat out of gap-filling for validation. Which let’s face it, that’s what a lot of gap filling was actually about for me.

Reflections

1. Have you ever felt that going above and beyond became the expectation rather than the exception? How did that impact your motivation?
2. Have you ever found yourself quietly pulling back at work without realising it? What triggered it for you?
3. How often do you say “yes” to extra tasks out of habit, guilt, or expectation rather than genuine capacity?
4. Do you think quiet quitting is a healthy response, a warning sign, or something else entirely?
5. If you stopped automatically saying yes to everything, what might open up for you and for others?

Article provided with thanks to City Bible Forum.

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What a simple prayer in a tough moment reminds us about coming back to God.

Australian singer, Guy Sebastian, is rightly famous for winning the first season of Australian Idol back in 2003, and then going on to have a stellar career with ten albums totalling seven million sales and nearly two billion streams on Spotify so far. He is, some two and a bit decades later, still the most successful by far.

There was an article about Guy that caught my eye in the Sydney Morning Herald in which he and his wife talk about the legal wrangle he found himself in when his former manager was charged with stealing a truckload of his money. It’s a pretty raw account of what happened.

And it starts this way:

When Guy Sebastian found himself sobbing in a toilet cubicle of a NSW courtroom, where he was giving evidence against his former manager and friend, Titus Day, he began to pray. “Then I felt guilty,” says the musician as his wife, Jules, gently places her hand on his arm. “It was like, ‘Ah, I’ll just say a prayer when [things] hits the fan.’ I haven’t prayed for so long [and now I’m] just asking for help when things are rubbish.”

Guy has gotten stick down the years for having abandoned his faith when he got famous. He was pretty churchy back in the day, as were many of the Idol singers who had cut their teeth on stages in the megachurches across the country.

There were puff pieces on his faith in all the women’s mags, and for a while it was kinda cool again to be churchy and then that faded (though here we are again. Go figure!)

A bunch of us felt a little discomfited that Guy began to distance himself from his faith as he became more famous. And not out of anger, but more out of concern, given there’s a parable by Jesus in there somewhere, something about soil and seed and weeds.

But, leaving that aside,  Guy’s instinct to pray when things got tough is totally right.

Yet his guilt is not.

We’ve all been there

Why do I say that? Because we all recognise Guy’s dilemma. We’ve all been on that sliding scale of prayerlessness. And then suddenly things are rubbish and we find ourselves praying and we’re thinking in that self-loathing way, “How lame am I? I’m just asking God for help cos I’m out of my depth and in a bind!”

Have you not been there? I know I have. I well remember as an early 20-something having train wrecked a couple of years of my life, standing in the shower one morning and saying:

“Okay Lord, I’m going to get up every day and live life for you this time. And every day I’m going to ask you to help me.”

Results? Good at times. Sketchy at other times. Very, very good when I was diagnosed with a terrible illness. Not so good when life was frustrating me and I wasn’t getting what I wanted (and I was pretty sure God didn’t want me to get what I wanted either, which invariably turned out to be a good thing looking back on it). But here’s my takeaway:

Don’t let your guilt for not praying keep you from praying!

Our Heavenly Father loves to hear our prayers and isn’t standing with folded arms, tapping his foot in annoyance and asking “So, now that you’re in trouble you turn up. Is that right?”

That’s actually what WE would be like, but not God. By contrast Jesus presents his Father as one who loves to give good gifts to his children, even his wayward children. And God loves us to pray.

I recently interviewed former Ridley College Principal, and one time rector of St Jude’s in Carlton, Melbourne, Peter Adam, about his wonderful book on prayer, ‘Prayerfulness: Cultivating a Bible-enriched prayer life.’

Right at the start of it, he says this, and it moves my heart:

God likes talking and God likes listening. God likes talking to us, and God likes hearing from us when we talk to him. God talks to us when we read his word, The Bible. And God listens to us when we pray – that is, when we talk to him. God likes talking to us and listening to us, because God like us, and because he has made us to relate to him (and to each other) by words.

God likes us and likes hearing from us. Perhaps when you’re at the stage Guy Sebastian is, ostensibly far from God, it’s easy to think that God is far from you.

But we know he is close to each one of us. He was there with Guy in that toilet cubicle in a New South Wales court house, as an earthly judge determined whether he was being ripped off or not.

God wants to hear from you!

So whether it’s a toilet cubicle, or a virtual pig pen in a faraway land, or even that office you’re sitting in, or that kitchen window you’re staring through wondering just why the fan’s been hit so many times, God still wants to hear from you! Amazing, but true.

And more than that, he is wherever you are at the moment. That is how God is because that is who God is. If a cross is not too low for God to turn up at, then you slumped over the bowl sobbing your heart out isn’t too low for him either.

And as we know, God whispers in our pleasures, but shouts in our pain. CS Lewis reminds us of this. Perhaps Guy’s pain is God’s way of drawing him back to Himself. One can never tell.

And perhaps that’s true of you today too. You haven’t prayed for so long, and now here you are asking for help when things are rubbish.  And in God’s economy, that’s totally okay, as this famous prayer from Hannah in 1 Samuel 2 reminds us:

“The Lord brings death and makes alive;
he brings down to the grave and raises up.
The Lord sends poverty and wealth;
he humbles and he exalts.

He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes
and has them inherit a throne of honour.”

Or to put it differently, the one who left the throne of heaven, isn’t ashamed to be with you as you cry ugly tears, deep in the midst of your own mess. Angels might not have brought you here (let the reader understand), but God may well have done. And he can raise you back up again. You only have to ask him. Guilt free.

Article supplied with thanks to Stephen McAlpine

About the Author: Stephen has been reading, writing and reflecting ever since he can remember. A former church pastor, he now trains church and ministry leaders, and in his writing dabbles in a number of fields, notably theology and culture.

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Why do we fear being judged online?

Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head and thought, “Why did I say that?” Or hovered over the “post” button, wondering how people would respond? That second guessing and quiet fear of being perceived the wrong way is something most of us know well. But what if there’s a deeper reason behind it? Some call it the digital panopticon effect.

In today’s surveillance culture, our identity can slowly become shaped by what others think, rather than our own internal convictions.

Alister Cameron, a leader with Power to Change, one of the largest global mission movements, explores this idea. Alister also serves as an Australian ambassador for the Finishing the Task initiative and brings years of experience working with young people navigating faith in a digital age. Speaking into this emerging issue, he offers both insight and hope, helping make sense of the digital pressures shaping today’s generation.

What Is the Panopticon Effect?

The panopticon effect refers to the way people change their behaviour when they believe they are being watched, even if no one is actively observing them.

Originally a prison design, the panopticon was an idea where inmates were arranged around a central watchtower. They could be observed at any time but never knew exactly when. Even without constant supervision, behaviour changed because the possibility of being watched never disappeared.

Today, that concept has made its way from behind bars and has gone global, digitally.

Instead of a guard in a tower, people live in a world of phones, cameras and social media. According to Alister, this digital panopticon effect creates pressure to perform because we feel constantly visible.

How Social Media Created a Digital Panopticon Effect

The modern version of the panopticon effect does not just observe behaviour but also enforces it. In a digital environment, one mistake can be captured, shared, and remembered indefinitely.

“That one moment where they do something cringe is suddenly locked in forever,” Alister says. “It’s on their permanent, digital record, which never gets expunged.”

This describes something many of us feel but rarely know how to name. A kind of “cancel culture panic”. The fear is not just judgment, but public shaming.

Alister describes this as a “chilled” social reality, where people withdraw rather than risk being seen in the wrong way. This is not freedom. Instead, it is behaviour driven by fear and shame.

Why Cringe Culture is Becoming the Norm

One of the strongest expressions of the panopticon effect is cringe culture. Our identity and sense of approval are often shaped by acceptable social standards while we scramble to avoid anything that could make us “cringey” or “awkward.”

These vulnerable moments, genuine expression, and individuality are often met with ridicule and shame. Alister shares how even simple activities like dancing have been affected, with people holding back because “everyone is watching” and filming.

The result is a culture that rewards sameness and self-censorship.

Slowly, you start to perform what is acceptable rather than living what’s actually real. We study the algorithm, adjust our behaviour, and avoid anything that could be mocked.

Over time, this creates a quiet kind of pressure that shapes how we live and behave.

Are We Living in a More Judgmental World?

Christianity is often criticised as being judgmental, but the reality of the digital age tells a different story.

Alister draws comparisons between high control environments and modern online culture, describing similar patterns of constant self-examination, fear of failure and public shaming. Many people today already live under intense judgment just from public life.

The difference is that this system offers very little grace. Judgment is immediate, public, and often unforgiving. There is no clear pathway to restoration.

Christianity vs. The Digital Panopticon Effect

At first glance, Christianity might seem to mirror the panopticon effect. God sees everything and nothing is hidden from Him. But the outcome is vastly different.

Alister makes a crucial distinction. The digital panopticon operates through shame, while God operates through love.  In the digital world, being seen leads to fear and public humiliation. With God, being seen leads to freedom and restoration.

Instead of performing for approval, we live from acceptance. Instead of hiding our flaws, God brings them into the light. We no longer have to fear being crushed by judgment but instead embrace God’s transformation and grace that is available to all.

How Jesus Offers Freedom from Cancel Culture Panic

The message of Jesus cuts directly against the anxiety created by constant surveillance. Alister speaks from personal experience when he describes what happens when we encounter God’s love.

“There comes a moment when that love releases you from the things that used to matter,” Alister shares.

It echoes the words of Jesus, who said He did not come to condemn, but to save. The pressure may still exist, but it no longer has the final say.  We are still seen and fully known, but instead of being rejected, we are met with grace and love.

Breaking Free from the Fear of Being Watched

You may feel this sense of always being watched or measured in your own life, but it does not have to define who you are. The panopticon effect doesn’t have to hold you back from stepping into all that God has for you.

In a world where everyone is watching, Jesus offers something radically different. A place where you are known without fear, challenged without rejection, and loved without condition.

Cancel culture panic tells you to hide. Jesus calls you to step into freedom. And in a culture built on judgment, that might be the most powerful thing of all.

Article supplied with thanks to Vision – a non-profit, follower-funded Christian media ministry taking God’s Word to every corner of Australia and beyond through broadcast, online and print media.

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Have you ever had a dream that God has given you that you have given up on?

It feels like you have been waiting so long that it is dead and buried. But what if it isn’t dead? What if the dream is lying dormant?

Every March in the area we live in, beautiful pink Easter Lilies, also known as Belladonna Lilies, pop up.  They always catch my eye. They bloom for a season, then are gone until the next year. Just because I can’t see their beautiful flowers doesn’t mean they are gone forever. They are just dormant. 

Dormant Season

Many plants have a dormant season, including Easter Lilies. The season’s flower dies off, but the bulb remains. In the bulb is everything that the plant needs to grow again, when conditions are right. 

A dormant season isn’t a waste. The bulb is deep in the earth, absorbing the nutrients that it needs. It’s removing waste from the season that’s been and preparing to grow again. Dormancy protects the plant from extreme temperatures and allows root development in preparation for the coming season. 

Our dreams are often like that. I have wanted to write for as long as I can remember. When I was in my teenage years, I used to write children’s books in my head, plan stories, and write poetry as a creative outlet. I wanted to write more publicly, but I never felt like it was the right time. As time went by, I would write journals, blogs, and stories. It was a way of processing, but I never published anything publicly until the last few years. 

When I think about why I didn’t do it before now, it feels like a season of dormancy. God was preparing me. Many things needed some work for it to be the right time, myself included. Ten years ago, I would have wilted at the first sign of criticism. I was too insecure to give my work to others for feedback, so I could improve. My self-image was so poor that I thought no one would care about anything I had to say. I was not ready to write then, and it would have crushed something so precious in my life before it even began. A season of dormancy has allowed for sustainability. 

Strengthen Our Roots

Sometimes it feels so long since we had the promise from God or felt hope that the dream in our heart could be achievable, that we give up on it. We think it’s dead and buried, and there is no hope for us. Trust that there is a right time for you, and the waiting is enabling you to prepare. In dormancy, we can strengthen our roots, learn to trust God deeply, and work on ourselves. If you are waiting to start working towards a dream, consider that it may not be dead; it’s just dormant. 

Article supplied with thanks to Lorrene McClymont.

About the Author: Lorrene McClymont is a writer and photographer from Hope Images. On her blog ‘Moments to Rest’, she shares about rest, faith, and family.

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Children learn through risky play, but how much danger is just enough but not too much?

Kelsie Prabawa-Sear,  Nature Play WA CEO, explores the benefits of learning through risk. She noted that anyone that reflects on their own childhood remembers that there are bumps and scratches.

Wobbly Moments

“Wobbly moments are just a really natural part of childhood and something that we adults shouldn’t try to erase from childhood.”

Parents want to protect their children from injury, but the consequence of that is that may not develop their own sense of decision making.

“We are not letting our kids enjoy the delights of risk in their childhood. If they don’t have confidence to make decisions and they’re not given opportunities to work things out and try things for themselves, they are missing out on key skills.”

Risk Assessment

Children need to be able to test what their body is capable of doing. It will affect how they handle decision-making into their teen years. If they haven’t had a healthy amount of risk taking, they could start making dangerous decisions.

“They start doing things that are really actually dangerous because they’re looking for risk, but don’t know how to assess it and what they’re capable of and what that might mean.”

Kelsie listed the example of riding a bike.

“You learn that you have to go a bit slower and you can accelerate out of corners. If you’ve never learnt that on your bike and then you get in a car, you don’t realise what a slippery road might be or what speed will do.”

Levels of Risk Appetite

Everyone has a different risk appetite, according to Kelsie.

“That can be based on your own experience, or your own coordination or self-confidence.”

Parents or grandparents can potentially project their own risk appetite onto the child based on their experiences or simply out of fear that the child might be injured.

“Sometimes we get risk adverse, when really the kids are a lot more capable than we realise.”

These instances can happen with older children who are insistent that they can do difficult tasks.

“They really can – so we often see in siblings, the younger sibling might have more advanced skills because of the exposure of their older sibling.”

It is fundamental to childhood and something that parents should learn to embrace.

“We are helping kids understand the difference between risk and challenge and danger, and they’re really different things.”

Risky Vs Unsafe Play

Unsafe play is something that is unsafe, dangerous or structurally wrong – most likely to cause imminent injury.

“If, for example, you go on a rusty slide with jagged bits. You’re going to be injured badly.”

Kids often have it innately in them, to know the difference between risky or unsafe play,” said Kelsie.

“They have different skills and willingness to take risks.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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How to recognise when someone is struggling with mental health challenges and respond with practical, compassionate support.

While it’s easy to look back and think ‘we should have noticed something sooner’, the more helpful question is: what can we do now?

That’s where conversations like this matter.

Clinical psychologist Valerie Ling outlines some practical ways to recognise when someone might be struggling and what meaningful support can actually look like in everyday life.

Recent events in with athletes in professional sport, including the AFL, have highlighted how widespread and complex these issues can be.

As ABC News has previously reported, mental health concerns are affecting Australians across all demographics, reinforcing the importance of early support and open conversations.

Listening matters more than fixing

In a culture that often prioritises solutions, it can feel uncomfortable to simply sit with someone’s pain. But support doesn’t always mean solving the problem.

Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can offer is your presence.

Letting someone speak, acknowledging their feelings and reminding them they matter can go a long way. As Valerie Ling puts it, it’s about communicating: “You are important to me. What you’re experiencing is important”.

That sense of being seen and heard can be a powerful first step towards healing.

When to encourage extra support

There may come a point where a conversation on its own isn’t enough.

If someone seems overwhelmed, stuck, or at risk, gently encouraging professional support is an important next step. This might include speaking with a GP, a counsellor, or reaching out to a trusted support service.

Ms Ling recommends approaching this collaboratively. Rather than telling someone what to do, it’s better to invite them into the process.

“Would it help if we looked into some options together?” is a simple way to offer support without pressure.

You might sit with them while they make a call, help them find information online, or even accompany them to an appointment if they’re comfortable with that.

Acting when it matters most

In more serious situations, where you’re concerned about someone’s immediate safety, it’s important not to step back too quickly.

“If you walk away… you’re not really sure if they will be safe,” Ms Ling said.

This could mean staying with them, contacting a trusted family member, or seeking urgent professional help. While these moments can feel confronting, they are also where support matters most.

A culture of care starts with us

Supporting someone through mental health challenges doesn’t require perfect words or professional training. It starts with noticing, asking, listening and being willing to stay present.

For a community that values hope, connection and practical care, these small actions can make a significant difference.

And while we can’t control everything someone is going through, we can make sure they don’t have to face it alone.

If you or someone you know is struggling, reach out to a friend or Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14 for support.

This article was prepared with AI assistance and then carefully reviewed, fact-checked, and edited by our Digital Team.

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

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Common thought traps and how to challenge them

We all experience unhelpful thinking patterns from time to time, and if we’re not aware of them, they can cloud our judgment, lead to anxiety, and strain our relationships.

The good news is that by recognising these cognitive distortions, we can start challenging and changing them for a more balanced, fulfilling life.

Let’s explore some common unhelpful thinking styles and simple ways to reframe them based on evidence from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

1. Catastrophising

Catastrophising is when we expect the worst possible outcome, even if it’s unlikely. This type of thinking can escalate anxiety and prevent us from thinking clearly.
Example: If you make a mistake at work, you might think, “I’m going to get fired, and my career is over.”
What to Do: Ask yourself, “What’s the actual likelihood of this happening?” By evaluating the evidence, you can put things into perspective and realise that the worst-case scenario is rarely true.

2. All-or-Nothing Thinking

Also known as black-and-white thinking, this distortion means viewing situations in extremes, either everything is perfect, or it’s a disaster.
Example: If you don’t get everything done on your to-do list, you think, “I failed at everything today.”
What to Do: Recognise that most situations are not all good or all bad. Look for the grey areas and acknowledge small successes, even if things didn’t go perfectly.

3. Overgeneralisation

Overgeneralising means taking a single negative event and applying it to all future situations. This type of thinking can cause unnecessary pessimism.
Example: After one bad date, you think, “I’m never going to find a good relationship.”
What to Do: Ask yourself if this is a pattern or just a one-time occurrence. One bad experience doesn’t mean all future ones will be the same.

4. Mind Reading

Mind reading happens when we assume we know what someone else is thinking, usually in a negative way, without any real evidence.
Example: “They didn’t text me back, so they must be mad at me.”
What to Do: Check the facts. Instead of assuming, communicate and ask for clarification. Often, there’s a simple explanation.

5. Personalisation

Personalisation is when we take on too much responsibility for events or assume that things happening around us are a direct reflection of ourselves.
Example: If your colleague is in a bad mood, you think, “It’s because of something I did.”
What to Do: Remember that people’s behaviour often has nothing to do with you. Ask yourself, “What other factors could be at play here?”

6. Discounting the Positive

This happens when we downplay our successes or positive feedback, focusing only on the negatives.
Example: You receive compliments on a project, but dismiss them, thinking, “They’re just being polite.”
What to Do: Practice acknowledging your achievements. When positive things happen, let yourself feel good about them, no matter how small.

7. Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is when we assume that our emotions reflect reality. If we feel anxious, we believe that something must be wrong, even if there’s no real danger.
Example:“I feel so scared, so this situation must be dangerous.”
What to Do: Remind yourself that emotions aren’t facts. Just because you feel something doesn’t mean it’s true. Try to separate your emotional response from the actual situation.

8. Should Statements

“Should” statements involve setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves or others, leading to feelings of failure or frustration.
Example:“I should always be on top of everything.”
What to Do: Replace “should” with more flexible language, such as “I would like to,” or “It’s okay if I don’t get everything done today.” This allows for self-compassion and a more realistic approach.

9. Magnification and Minimisation

Magnification is when we blow problems out of proportion, while minimisation downplays positives or successes.
Example: You make a small mistake and think, “This is the worst thing ever!” but when you do something well, you think, “It’s not a big deal.”
What to Do: Look at the situation objectively. Ask yourself, “Am I seeing this for what it really is, or am I exaggerating or minimising?” Practising balanced thinking helps create a more accurate picture.

How Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) Helps

CBT is a proven, evidence-based approach that teaches us to recognise and challenge these unhelpful thinking styles. It works by helping us identify distorted thoughts, question their validity, and replace them with more balanced, realistic thinking. This approach has been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress by helping us see situations more clearly and respond in healthier ways.

A Quick Tip for Change

Next time you notice one of these unhelpful thinking patterns, pause and ask yourself, “Is there another way to view this situation?” By exploring alternative perspectives, you can break free from automatic negative thoughts and create space for more balanced, realistic thinking.

With practice, you can reshape how you think, leading to improved mental health, better relationships, and a greater sense of well-being.

Article supplied with thanks to Sabrina Peters.

About the Author: Sabrina is a pastor and a psychologist who is dedicated to helping people experience wholeness and growth. Passionate about building healthy families, she spends her days raising kids, supporting clients, and creating resources that inspire freedom and hope.

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Is debt sinful? Does the Bible allow borrowing in certain situations? 

Christians often ask what the Bible says about borrowing money and debt. 

Is debt sinful? 
Is borrowing always wrong? 
Or does the Bible allow borrowing in certain situations? 

The first thing to understand is that the Bible never says that debt itself is sinful. Having debt, including a home loan, is common in modern life. Scripture does not say that simply having debt is wrong. 

However, the reasons people go into debt can sometimes be sinful. For example, borrowing money to keep up with others or to maintain a lifestyle that cannot realistically be afforded can lead to poor financial decisions. 

The motivation behind financial decisions matters. 

What Does the Bible Say About Borrowing?

A key passage about borrowing comes from the book of Proverbs. 

Proverbs 22:7 says: “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower becomes the slave of the lender.” 

This proverb highlights a biblical principle about debt. 

While borrowing is not described as sinful, Scripture shows that debt can create financial bondage. 

The Biblical Warning About Debt

God is concerned that His people do not become enslaved to the systems of the world.

Debt can gradually grow beyond what a person can manage. Spending on larger houses, cars, and lifestyle purchases can accumulate into significant debt and create difficult financial situations.

Debt limits freedom.

Large financial obligations begin to control financial choices.

How Debt Can Limit Generosity

Excessive debt can reduce a person’s ability to live generously.

When financial commitments are overwhelming, it becomes harder to give, support ministry work, or help people in need.

When someone is drowning in debt, most financial resources go toward repayments instead of advancing God’s kingdom or serving others.

For this reason, the Bible encourages wisdom and caution when borrowing.

A Biblical Principle to Remember

The warning in Proverbs should be taken seriously.

Borrowing money may not be sinful, but allowing debt to grow until it creates financial bondage can cause serious consequences.

Approaching borrowing carefully helps protect financial freedom and the ability to give generously.

Final Thoughts 

The Bible does not say that borrowing money is sinful. However, Scripture warns about the dangers of debt and how it can restrict financial freedom. 

Applying biblical wisdom to borrowing decisions helps believers pursue faithful stewardship, financial freedom, and generosity. 

Article supplied with thanks to Wealth with Purpose.

About the Author: Alex is a licensed financial planner and the founder of Wealth with Purpose a Stewardship Ministry that helps Christians handle their money God’s way.

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Jesus’ life shows us that who we are matters far more than what we do, and that God can use us in any profession.

I was sitting at the table one evening having dinner with my parents when the home phone started ringing. My mum answered the phone and after a few moments, looked directly at me. 

Uh-oh, I thought to myself. I think this call is about me. But who is it? What had I done to make them call during dinner on a weeknight? 

Mum took the phone with her and left the room. I continued to wrack my brain, but to no avail. After some time, Mum re-entered the room with the phone in her hand. She was looking at me again. 

“Who was it?” I asked, somewhat gingerly. It was one of my teachers from school. Okay, so it was about me. 

I was in Year 12 and it was toward the end of the year, but a phone call to my parents on a weeknight was certainly not a regular occurrence. My curiosity was piqued, as was my unease. Which teacher was it, and what did they want? Mum proceeded to tell me that it was my Bible teacher. 

That’s weird, I thought to myself. I quickly ran through all my Bible assessments in my head and my most recent classes. Everything was up to date; nothing was out of the ordinary. As Mum continued, I realised he was also the guidance counsellor for our Year 12 class. He was responsible for making sure that we had submitted our university preferences for the following year. He had called my parents because apparently, I was the only one in my class who had not done it, which was not like me. His concern had led him to call my parents to see if I was okay and to discuss my plans for the following year. Unfortunately for him, my parents didn’t know what I was thinking. Nobody knew. 

I had been praying about what I was going to do and the only idea that I had come up with was to study law. But where had that come from? I didn’t know any lawyers. What I did know is that lawyers had quite the reputation for being dishonest and were not well-liked. Even my future father-in-law used to love telling unflattering jokes about the similarities between lawyers and catfish. And I was a Christian. I genuinely wondered if I could be an honest lawyer and a practising Christian, not to mention what everyone else would think.

I genuinely wondered if I could be an honest lawyer and a practising Christian

I kept praying about it and eventually I submitted my university preferences (just before the deadline). A Bachelor of Law was my first preference. After I accepted a position at my chosen university the following year, I gradually began admitting my plans to anyone who asked. I received some interesting feedback as well as unsolicited advice as I revealed my chosen career to some. Regardless of their opinions, I continued praying throughout my studies to reaffirm whether I was headed in the right direction or not, and after five long years, I graduated. 

Your vocation is more than a job

Thankfully for me, I was reminded that while He was on earth in the first century, Jesus showed us that your job is not what defines you. Even though He is the Son of God, Jesus worked as a tradesman. When He began His ministry, He travelled around teaching and healing with some of His closest followers: people also from mainstream jobs, such as fishermen and even a tax collector.

Jesus further demonstrated that our lives are not determined by our careers through His interaction with anyone and everyone that He encountered, including soldiers, politicians, religious leaders, prostitutes and even criminals. Jesus showed us that people are more important than their profession or their past. He also showed that each of us has unique needs. For example, when interacting with religious leaders, Jesus often challenged them from Scripture (Mark 7:6–13). Whereas, when Jesus met a man with leprosy, it was His physical ailment that Jesus healed (Matthew 8:1–4). 

We are also called to follow His example by compassionately ministering to the physical, mental, social, emotional and spiritual needs of humanity. Whether you are a Christian or not, I’m sure you would agree that doing so is a worthy calling, wherever you find yourself professionally. 

From theory to practice

I now work as a family lawyer. Of course, that just happens to be the one area of law I consistently maintained I would never work in throughout my studies. I have worked in various law firms throughout my career and in doing so, I have interacted with so many different people I would never have met otherwise.

While I certainly do not walk into appointments telling new clients or other professionals that I am a Christian, I do maintain my personal beliefs. In a secular workplace, my lifestyle choices alone are certainly enough to stand out, which creates many opportunities to explain the faith foundation that informs those lifestyle choices.

To my surprise, even when I have had a purely professional relationship with clients, God has still been present in those exchanges. At the conclusion of one of my court cases, I received a card from one of my clients thanking me for my work. Inside the card, they wrote that I had been an answer to their prayers. I had never spoken to that client about religion or the fact that I was a Christian but unbeknown to me, God had still used me in their life to strengthen their faith in Him. 

It is through our actions to others that Jesus will use us

While He was on earth, Jesus encouraged us to meet others where they are and to help them with what they need. Someone sleeping in their car may not be ready for a Bible lesson, but they might need a blanket to get them through a cold night.

Jesus said, “For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me” (Matthew 25:35,36). And, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me” (Matthew 25:40). 

It is through our actions to others that Jesus will use us. No matter your profession, your background or where you are, God can find a way to use you to meet the needs of others. Sometimes it will be obvious when God creates those opportunities; like in conversation with your co-workers when you are asked why you attend church on the weekend or pray before you eat (if you’re a Christian).

Even if you aren’t a Christian, you may be going about your regular job on a normal day and might have no idea that God is using you in that moment. All God needs from you is for you to be willing and open. If you are, He will find a way to use you wherever you are.

Article supplied with thanks to Signs of The Times

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