What’s really behind a child who says, “I hate school”?

Natalie Nicholls, Specialist in Educational Neuroscience & Cognitive Development, and Creator of PLECS Learning discusses apathy in learning.

Starting from a young age, children can develop a reluctance to go to school. Natalie explained some of the causes of this.

Fire and Smoke

Natalie says its a common struggle for parents who cannot get their children to do their homework or focus. Then it becomes an issue of them not wanting to go to school.

“I wanted to talk today about thinking about it differently, right? And understand that as human beings, we are born to learn, right? We are, toddlers are born to touch everything and put everything in their mouth, right? That’s how we’re learning.”

She explained that as children grow, they can hit a state where they say things that shock us and they might not enjoy what we expect them to.

“We may get angry at that initially because it triggers something in us, right? It triggers maybe something that we’ve been mapped with earlier on.”

Some parents choose to ignore the signs, others push their children further.

“All of these responses, these top three responses which we’re looking at, they relate to our symptom, which is like if you think about it of a fire and smoke. The smoke is what you’re seeing with your kids saying, I don’t want to do this and I don’t want to do my spelling, I hate reading, I hate going to school, right? But what if we could have a look at the fire and think about how we could stop the fire and put out that fire.”

What Fire Can We Explore?

Talking specifically about younger children, Natalie explains the distinction between developmental thinking and the ages leading up to that.

“After we get to age 8, we have a little bit more of a different thinking capacity. So when we love doing something, it’s important we understand it isn’t a personality trait as such. We may have interests, like interest in cars, interest in Lego, interest in drawing and things like that. But from day one, from our development, we are here on who we are and your child is who they are.”

Mapped Genetics

Natalie said they have been mapped through a combination of experiences and their genes.

“When we start to understand that whatever age they’re at or where we are at now, a combination of our genes and our environment have mapped us to who we are today.”

It means that once they start being defiant, we can move past it being an attempt to just be stubborn and onto how can we better help them.

“Is it hard for them to do? This is what I really want you to think about. Is it hard for them to do?” posed Natalie.

It involves parents taking down their pride wall, not seeing it as a reflection of themselves and finding reasons why the child may be avoidant.

Nature and Nurture

“We’re always going to want to address the smoke, which is the comments.”

She said it is more important to look at the why. It is always linked to some kind of emotion.

“Our emotion and our safety state always comes first,” said Natalie. “It’s not something we think about, it’s just in us. So we may have had in the past previous experiences that we haven’t enjoyed involving reading, spelling, writing, maths or even going to school.”

Dopamine

Natalie said switching subjects helps to single out the difficulties. Children won’t avoid what they genuinely enjoy and are developing skills in.

“When you feel like you can do something really well, then you will do it often because you get a really good dopamine release. Whereas for me, I’m not going to go pick up crochet because I can’t, that’ll make me feel really frustrated.”

Natalie said that frustrations over certain school subjects are common, and it is also quite common to accidentally put that pressure or feel angry when children resist.

“Particularly in those under years, under age 8, year one and two, the levels jump quite high. From Kindergarten to Year 2, the academic demand is very high and some children are not developmentally there yet.”

Natalie said encouraging them to read is important, but understanding there are weaknesses in the brain that haven’t full developed is also crucial.

Our Response

“One thing I’ve really, really struggled with is understanding why our curriculum expects every child to pick up the learnings,” said Natalie, “If you don’t, you just move to the next year. Whereas if you do karate, you do swimming, you have levels.”

She explained in extra-curriculars, you have to achieve the previous level before you go up. Within the school, there will be children that will continue to fall behind if they are not achieving at the expected level, yet moving up in their year group.

“When actually we must be looking at, well, they need to be achieving these things, so if they’re not, what else can we be doing?”

Natalie explained that working as a team with parents and the school will help the child along.

ADHD Diagnosis

“I also caution a lot of families out there to just… There’s so many people going, it’s just ADHD and we’ll just diagnose it and then fix it. That’s not what happens, right? The diagnosis may give you some kind of understanding, but all the symptoms and what’s happening, the fire is still there, right?”

“Alter the environment so that it is achievable. Find out what their level actually is because the level you’ve actually provided is too high.”

Struggling to Sit

For the children who can’t sit still in the classroom, Natalie said there will be multiple reasons why.

“They are highly likely finding the learning really hard. They can’t read the information or understand what you’re saying probably because the noise is too much in the classroom. They’re not able to write what is required.”

Asking questions like, ‘What would be a fun thing to write?’ Then doing it together, role playing and making it fun will help them find their achievable level.

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

Feature image: Canva

As we head into a new year, many parents are reflecting on family routines and goals for 2026. One common challenge is helping children take responsibility for everyday tasks – like putting away school bags, picking up towels, or tidying toys – without constant reminders. While it may seem like children are acting deliberately, understanding what’s happening in their brains can completely change how we respond.

Learning Intervention Specialist, Natalie Nicholls from PLECS Learning, shared insights about resilient kids and how parents can take a compassionate, brain-based approach to executive functioning as they head into the new year.

Understanding the “See and Do” Approach

Natalie explained that expecting children to automatically complete tasks often overlooks how their brains process information. For example, a child may ignore a school bag left in the hallway, not out of defiance, but because their brain is overwhelmed with other priorities or sensory input.

“When we delve into the why underneath, it helps us get more action and the results we’re actually looking for,” Natalie said.

As we start a new year, parents can shift their perception. Instead of assuming a child is being difficult, ask: What else is going on in their brain right now? Recognising that each child – and adult – is wired differently is a crucial first step toward effective, compassionate guidance.

How Brain Chemistry Influences Behaviour

Natalie highlighted the role of dopamine, a chemical that influences motivation, task initiation, and attention. Low dopamine levels, often seen in children with ADHD traits, can make it harder for kids to start tasks or notice what needs to be done.

Parents can support their children in the new year by:

1. Exploring ways to increase dopamine naturally
2. Using structured strategies to teach children how to see and act on tasks

“We cannot expect a child’s behaviour to exceed the brain’s capacity,” Natalie explained. “This applies to adults too – when expectations exceed capacity, we get stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed.”

Understanding this principle allows parents to approach children with more compassion and less frustration in 2026 and beyond.

Trauma and Neurodiversity: Seeing the Bigger Picture

Natalie also addressed the impact of trauma and neurodiversity. Children who have experienced trauma may react based on the age at which the trauma occurred. Similarly, children with ADHD or other neurodiverse traits may appear hyperactive or withdrawn.

“The brain will go into protective mode,” Natalie said. “When parents are stressed too, their child’s nervous system mirrors that stress.”

Recognising these patterns ensures that teaching moments occur when both parent and child have the capacity to engage, rather than in moments of heightened emotion – a crucial approach to begin the year with calm and clarity.

Practical Steps for “See and Do”

Natalie outlined practical ways to implement this approach as families start fresh in the new year:

1. Check Your Capacity First – Ensure you’re calm before addressing tasks. Teaching when triggered is ineffective.
2. Start Small – Use micro-moments in everyday life. Speak out loud about what you see, e.g., “I see the dishwasher is full. What could we do?”
3. Ask Questions, Don’t Command – Invite participation rather than issuing orders. For example: “Can you help me with the groceries?” instead of “Put the groceries away.”
4. Praise the Action, Not the Person – Focus feedback on specific behaviour rather than personal traits: “You noticed the gate needed opening and did it – great work!”
5. Build Life Skills – These micro-moments teach children to notice and act on tasks independently, a skill that extends to school, work, and life beyond the home.

“This isn’t just about a tidy house,” Natalie emphasised. “It’s about equipping children with a skill for life.”

A Kinder Approach for a Fresh Start

By focusing on compassion, brain capacity, and micro-teaching moments, parents can reduce frustration and help children develop independence as we head into 2026. Natalie’s approach encourages parents to shift perception, ask questions, and provide structured support, rather than relying on repeated commands or criticism.

“The goal is not a perfect house, but resilient kids who can see, decide, and act,” Natalie concluded.

Key Takeaways for Parents This New Year

• Recognise your child’s brain capacity before setting expectations
• Use questions and observation instead of commands
• Praise specific actions, not personal traits
• Focus on micro-moments to teach life-long skills

Implementing these strategies can help families start the new year with calmer routines, stronger bonds, and resilient, capable children ready to face the year ahead.

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

Feature image: Canva

World Record ‘speedcuber’ Charlie Eggins from Brisbane uses the famous puzzle to show how God solves our biggest problem ever

Three years ago, when Charlie Eggins was 13, he held the World Record for the fastest time solving a Rubik’s Cube – blindfolded.

Yes, blindfolded.

“That was a ‘crazy solve’,” Brisbane teen Charlie shares about setting that 12.10 seconds record.

Yes, 12:10 seconds.

On Charlie’s Swift Cubing channel on Youtube, you can check out heaps of cool videos of this young Australian lad whizzing through the famous puzzle.

Among the records, tutorials and ‘speedcuber’ jokes, Charlie dropped a video that instantly grabbed our attention.

“A year or two ago, my Dad and I realised that The Cube is a great illustration of the Gospel,” said Charlie from his Brisbane home, before heading off to school.

“Imagine a perfectly solved Rubik’s Cube. All the colours are matched up. It’s completely perfect.

“This is like when God created the world – everything was perfect. God said it was good. All right and perfect, like a solved Rubik’s cube.

“But then, humans sin, and that’s like grabbing The Cube and twisting and turning it and scrambling it.”

In only a few minutes, Charlie continued to explain how the problem of sin is overturned by Jesus.

Along the way, you can learn how there is a move you can make with a Rubik’s Cube that means it is impossible to solve.

“No matter what we try, we cannot solve it,” Charlie said.

“We need something else to come and fix us and make us good again and make the world good again.

“That thing is a person – God himself came down, in Jesus.

“Every time you see a Rubik’s Cube, you can remember the Gospel [of Jesus] and the immense love that God has for us.”

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

Feature image: Supplied

Letting go can be scary, but raising confident, capable kids starts earlier than you think. Susan Woodworth explores how parents can nurture independence, even in toddlers.

When Should You Start Encouraging Independence?

“Believe it or not, now is as good a time as any,” Susan said. “Even if they’re just two years old.”

Children can begin developing independence early, not by wandering off alone, but by making small decisions. “You want them to learn to make decisions, take control over the things they can do, and feel confident problem-solving,” Susan explained.

What Does That Look Like at Age Two?

It’s all about age-appropriate choices. “They can choose which shoes to wear or what snack to eat,” said Susan. “It might take longer, but it’s worth it. You don’t want to be picking their shoes when they’re 30.”

Independence doesn’t happen overnight. It’s built over time with consistent trust and guidance.

The ‘Stretchy Elastic’ Approach

Susan encouraged parents to think of independence like an elastic string. “You’re slowly stretching that elastic,” she said. “They’re getting further away, but still staying safe and coming back.”

Start small. “Let them play in their room by themselves or spend a few minutes in the front yard while you keep an eye out.”

What If You’re Not Ready?

For many parents, the real struggle isn’t their child’s readiness, it’s their own. Susan reassured listeners: “If you can trust them, they can trust themselves. If they feel you don’t trust them, they’ll hesitate to try.”

She suggested pairing acceptance with confidence. “Say, ‘I know this is hard for you, and I know you can do this without me.’”

Freedom With Responsibility

As kids grow, independence expands from walking to school, to hanging out with friends. But it should always come with boundaries.

“You can give them freedom once they’ve shown responsibility,” said Susan. “Finish your homework, then you can see your friends. The more freedom they want, the more responsibility they take.”

The Risks of Overprotection

Of course, it’s tempting to wrap kids in cotton wool. But Susan warns against overprotecting them.

“If you shelter them too much, they grow up scared,” she said. “They don’t trust themselves or the world.”

And when independence is forced, like moving out after high school, some kids may struggle. But Susan reminded us, “Eventually, they step up. Some just take longer. It depends on their personality.”

Final Encouragement

Whether your child is choosing their outfit or walking to school alone for the first time, giving them small doses of independence helps build confidence for life.

Start small, stay present, and stretch that elastic one step at a time.

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

Feature image: Canva

Making friends at school isn’t always easy. Sometimes, kids come home feeling left out, upset, or even anxious. Parenting expert Michelle Mitchell unpacks what’s really going on and how parents can help.

Friends Can Come from Anywhere

“Friends can come in all places and spaces,” said Michelle. “They don’t have to be the same age or even from school.”

Still, many kids go through seasons where they feel like they don’t belong. “We probably all remember a time we didn’t fit in with a group,” she shared.

When Loneliness Lasts Too Long

Feeling left out for a short time is normal. But if it goes on too long, it can affect a child’s mental health.

“If our child is in that space for an extended period,” Michelle said, “they might start thinking something is wrong with them.”

She explained that this kind of thinking can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and even depression.

Don’t Project Your Worries

As parents, we often feel anxious when our kids don’t seem to fit in.

“But if we think something is drastically wrong,” Michelle said, “we might project that onto our kids.”

Instead, take a step back. Many kids bounce back socially as they grow. Some even make lifelong friends later in life.

When Social Struggles Persist

Michelle noted a difference between short-term struggles and ongoing problems. “If year after year, your child is still struggling, there may be a need for extra support,” she said.

In rare cases, a change of school has helped but it’s not always a fix. “Research says most problems follow kids when they move,” Michelle explained, “usually around six to eight months later.”

The Rumination Spiral

What if your child comes home upset every day, going over the same story? “We call that looping or ruminating,” Michelle said. “And it can spiral their self-view in a negative direction.”

Kids might say things like, “No one likes me,” or “I’m a loser.” They might fixate on messages or gossip in group chats.

Too Much Talk Can Backfire

Parents want to help. But endless conversations about social issues can backfire. “It can actually make things worse,” Michelle warned. “It often leads to catastrophising.”

Instead of encouraging more talk, help your child reset. “Get them off their phone. Give them space. Let them play Lego with their younger sibling,” she suggested.

Space can give them a fresh mindset and reduce the emotional charge.

When They Don’t Want to Go to School

Some kids become so overwhelmed they refuse to go to school. This could be caused by anxiety or bullying.

Either way, Michelle said, “Trusted adults need to come together to form a plan. Not to push the child, but to help them take small steps forward.”

Let your child be part of that plan. “We want to talk to our kids like they’re powerful people,” she added. “Not take their power away.”

Teaching Emotional Regulation

Helping kids manage their feelings is a key parenting role but it’s not about saying more.

“Over-talking can push people away,” Michelle said. “Sometimes, we just need to zip it and listen.”

Even though kids are encouraged to share, they also need to learn when it’s helpful and when it isn’t.

What If They Have the Wrong Friends?

It’s hard to watch your child form friendships with kids who are a bad influence. But forcing change rarely works.

“When kids leave our home, we can’t control who they hang out with,” Michelle said. “So focus on them, not their friends.”

She recommends saying something like, “I like you. And I miss the you I know. What’s going on?”

Compassion matters. “For teenagers, there’s nothing worse than being alone,” Michelle explained.

When Attitudes Start Changing

But what if those friendships are now changing your child’s behaviour?

“Name it. Be honest about where you stand,” Michelle advised. “And still love them exactly where they’re at.”

Set boundaries calmly. “Say, ‘I love you. But my answer is still no for that party or whatever it is.’”

Making New Friends in Term Two

What about kids who want to make friends but feel all the groups are already formed?

Michelle’s advice: Start small. “Look for micro moments someone sitting alone, someone who drops something. Say hi.”

Small steps can lead to big connections.

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

Feature image: Canva